I've laid next to her and watched her sleep every night for a week now. Last Saturday she was awake all night. This Saturday her body is calm and hopefully dreaming of her mom. I want to protect her and heal all pain. I told her everything I've ever learned about death. I hope she'll believe me and be at peace with the loss of our mom. Noone can replace this great woman but I can love her just as much. I will do anything for her. God, she has my heart and I will never take it back. Please allow my days to be longer than hers.
I don't want to ever see her cry the way that she has in this last week. I admit that I've done many things to distract her. I've never been in this situation. I didn't know how to handle it. I've probably talked her ear off about nonsense. I've even become jealous of people trying to share her time. I've been very aroused around her. I didn't realize that we'd gone so many days without kissing as a greeting. I guess that's because I never let her leave my side. Yeah I pleased her twice but I felt the difference. She did tremble but it didn't come from deep within. It was a temporary release, not our usual love making.
All I've wanted to do is sweep her away from everyone and hold her. I know it's best to allow her to grieve for Mom but I'm scared she'll get depressed. I was nervous about the funeral but it went well. There were many times that she cried today and I fought the urge to grab her. I allowed her family to console her. I held her tightly with my eyes. The days to come will be rough but I'll remain by her side.
Our plan was to save for our wedding and take fewer trips. Now I want to take her everywhere and do everything. The death of Mom has shown that our date could be sooner than we think. I'd rather spend every waking and sleeping hour making her happy.
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