Gay all the way...

So now that I have come out to everyone, gotten engaged and will soon be married, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on my experience. Being gay can be so tiring when you are going through the motions of planning a wedding. There are so many added factors that straight people dont normally go through.

Paying for the wedding.. this fell on us completely. We are okay with it, but it did bother me a tad that the traditions of family pitching in didn't apply here. Most likely because our families dont know how to be and didn't initally consider this to be a real wedding.

We get alot of legal questions from curious bystanders. "Will it be legal?".. "Why didn't you just do it somewhere that is legal?" .. "Will you go to New York". I feel like a broken record.... No it is not legally recognized. Even if we went somewhere else, when we bring our gay asses back to Pennsylvania, it will not be recognized. We are not putting value into that piece of paper that can only be obtained in a few states right now. We value our mutual vows, our bond, our work that we will put into making this relationship last a lifetime, and the hope that our family and friends will be a great support system along the way. After all, when turmoil appears in a straight marriage, that piece of paper only comes up in talks of divorce.

Having to screen vendors, making sure they are gay friendly.. annoying.

We decided to stay inside the box for the most part, afraid to get too creatively crazy in fear that guests will take our union as a joke.

Next lets discuss the RSVPs. I've read about the painful no's that you may get in the mail. Not because someone simply cannot make it, but because you are gay and they refuse to support either for a religious stance or pure homophobia. We have received one painful no, from my grandparents. From what my brother and sister told me ahead of time, I knew they were not coming, but it still hurt to get the rsvp in the mail. My grandmother wrote "I remain undaunted" after checking off the "Decline with Regret" box. On the back of the rsvp she wrote "Will always wish you the best, Grandma". Was this supposed to be the cushion for the blow? They are old, stuck in their ways, my lifestyle doesn't fit into the workings of their mind. I get that... I love my grandparents unconditionally. I guess my pain stems from thinking this was a mutual thing.

At work, of course can't leave that out. Word gets around that I have a special day coming up. Some folks want to plan a shower at my job for me, how nice! However, once everyone finds out that not only i am getting married, I am marrying a woman.. I was surprised that majority were still interested in celebrating for me.. except one person. Not only was she not interested in celebrating, she was worried that everyone would judge her because she was not out there celebrating at this hypothetical shower. I can't...

As the day gets closer, I get sadder about my mother not going to be able to be there. It is still unreal for me but the small part that seems real, hurts ... alot.

Not to mention that all of the above are piled atop the REGULAR stress of planning a wedding. Going over budget, trying to drop weight, rude comments from uninvited folks, finding a venue, problems with your selected venue, ummm..going over budget, selecting a cake, dj, florist... switching florists... selecting a photographer, makeup artist, dress, shoes, accessories, etc.. deciding on a honeymoon location (which we haven't).. dealing with the wedding party - the cooperative and the uncooperative-, gifts for ppl, music, decor, and a hundred other things that I care not to mention right now.

Being gay all the way is stressful...

Cakes

We want a buttercream cake and will be getting it from Brown Betty Desserts :) They have the best flavors and are consistent, not to mention black owned. We try to support black-owned businesses whenever possible.

Here are some cakes that I like, we need to decide on a design.

Relationship Models

So I saw a random question on facebook today: "Who are your relationship role models?"

I dont think we have any :( As a same-sexed couple, we do not have any/many married friends and not many married people in our families. Slim pickings!

We had our engagement shoot :)

So we had our engagement shoot on Saturday (4/2). Our photographer Nasilele is sooo nice. She was very easy to work with. We had the shoot on Temple's campus as planned. We met at Temple and had our first date there so it was an easy pic for the shoot location. Rolanda was so relaxed and camera ready. I was stiff and shy! I dont know if I ever really loosened up completely but it was definitely a fun time re-visiting our early moments at Temple. I can't wait to see the pics and can't wait to order the save the dates!!!

Updates

So things are coming along!

Venue
Our venue is booked and I have been assigned an event planner. She has already contacted me with a rough timeline of when we will meet to get details in order. We will begin meeting around May and all things squared away by mid-September.

Photographer
Our photographer is booked :) She has been such a pleasure to work with so far, very friendly and genuine. We will be having our engagement photo shoot in the next two weeks. I can't wait to see the outcome of the pictures. I hope our faces dont look too fat :-/ We need to shop this week for our outfits. I know I want my hair to be in curls and my face done the morning of, just trying to decide on who will do it! I was thinking of going to MAC but I keep hearing that they can sometimes make you look too dramatic. .. hmmm..
 
Florist & Decor
I have a florist in mind already! Deborah would like me to get pricing from another florist before making the final decision. So I am awaiting this meeting with him so that we can get this going!
 
DJ
We hve not found a DJ yet but this is something that we need to do. In addition to that we need to decide on the music for the evening. I dont know if we will pay for the added expense of a band. It sounds grand and all but there's so much great music out there that can simply be played by the DJ. I can just book the DJ for 5 hours... And maybe add a singer for a few songs
 
Stationary
I did meet with Deborah last night and we mainly covered the stationary. I am going with the wooden invitations. Pairing with a paper response card and envelope, wrapping it with cotton-line paper that they sell at the craft stores and tying with craft twine and maybe a skeleton leaf. Still getting wood samples in before we make the decision on which vendor to use.
 
The save the dates and thank you cards will be photos.
STDs a photo from our engagement shoot on a magnet
Thank yous a photo from our wedding on a thank you card (pearlized)
 
My Dress
My dress was ordered back in November 2010! So it should arrive around May and I expect my first fitting to be in June or so. I still need to decide on a veil, undergarments and accessories.
 
Bridesmaids' Dresses
I want the dresses to be full length now. Deborah and I discussed some styles. Still not sure about the style of their gowns though due to differences in body types.
 
Rolanda's Attire & The Other Suits
No decisions made yet but we should be going to try suits on in April
 
Menu
The venue has us down to come in July for a tasting. In the meantime I want to figure out which menu we prefer.
 
Cake
We have two cake bakeries as a choice if we go through our venue: Ann's Cake Pan and Bredenbeck's Bakery. Will re-visit this soon.
 
Wedding Bands
Rolanda has her band already, we just need to shop for mine. I believe we found one in Zales that matches perfectly. Will re-visit this soon!
 
 

We've Booked Our Venue :)

So we have booked our venue for Friday October 7th :)

I feel a sense of relief now that we have a wedding date. There are still some things left to do:

Before March 19th - decide on our locations on temple's campus for our engagement shoot and outfits
March 19th - We have our engagement shoot!
March - Book our florist, Search for a DJ, decide on colors, make wedding appointment
April - Send out save the dates, select an officiant and make sure they are registered, Cake tasting, Menu tasting
April - Book DJ, Photobooth, Decide on bridesmaids gowns and tuxes ; communicate to bridal party
May - My dress should be in! ; Decide on decor; decide on makeup artist for wedding day, assess bridal party's needs for hair
June - fitting #1, decide on an invitation final draft and order invitations, decide on reception timeline
July - decide on ceremony timeline, have another dress fitting, decide on hair style and acessories for wedding day

Cakes

 

Menu Ideas

We are still deciding between a cocktail reception and sit down dinner. Either way we like comfort foods. If we opt for the cocktail reception we would like smaller/lighter versions of comfort foods. Below are some examples of things that we like (many are already on the Marriott's menu). We are definitely open to any suggestions from the chef!

If we have a cocktail reception:

We would like a stationary display(s) (self serve) for the cocktail hour and the butler passed hors d'oeuvres and/or short plates to begin during the beginning of the reception along with 1-2 dinner/carving stations in the reception. We are also considering having the cocktail hour in the beginning, the ceremony and then the cocktail reception.

If we have a seated dinner:
We will follow the format in the menu packet and just give our menu suggestions. We might consider having the cocktail hour with passed hors d'eouvres first, the ceremony and then the reception with seated dinner.

Welcome Beverages as Guests arrive at the ceremony:  Iced Tea and Lemonade
Hors D'eovres that we like:
Coconut shrimp skewer/Coconut shrimp with Roasted Pineapple Dipping Sauce

Lollipop lamb chop rosemary demi glace
Mini crab cake
Roasted tomato soup in a saki cup
Catfish (maybe catfish fingers?)
Pork tenderloin with apple sauce (also open to having this for a dinner station or seated dinner plate).
Fried macaroni and cheese bites
Lamb Skewers.. rosemary-mustard pesto
Mini Cheesesteaks
Pot Roast in Mini Phyllo Cups Topped with Roasted Vegetable Slaw

Blackened Swordfish on Tostadita with Mango Salsa
Apple Butter Poached Pork on Toast Rounds (the rounds can be cornbread instead)


Stations that we liked:
Pasta Station with cheese ravioli, something with pesto in it and alfredo
Jumbo Lump Crabcake Station (if we had this station, we would not want the mini crabcake as the appetizer. Can this station replace the pasta station in equal value?)
Stationary Hors D'oeuvres
•Grilled Bread with Olive and Sundried Tomato Tapenades
•Bruschetta Style Fresh Mozzarella Plum
•Tomato and Basil to add to above
•Vegetable Crudite with Red Roasted Pepper and Pesto dips

Grilling Station

•Shrimp and Scallop Skewers
•Marinated London Broil with Sauce Raifort and Chimichurri Sauce
•Grilled Red Bliss Potatoes with Olive Oil, Lemon Juice and Fresh Herbs



Entree Options:

We are okay with the entrees below, however would like different sides

Free Range Chicken (We woould be interested in different seasoning: example: carmelized ginger, we are open to the chef's suggestions). (another idea:Roasted Chicken Breast
w Thyme Infused Pan Gravy, Smashed Potatoes, Sauteed Green Beans w Walnuts)

Braised Boneless Short Rib

Herb Crusted Rack of Lamb

Petite Filet and Jumbo Lump Crab Cake

Spice Rubbed Roasted Pork Loin or Pork Tenderloin
w Pineapple-Avocado Relish, Beans and Rice, Vegetable Slaw (Zucchini, Carrot, Cabbage, Broccoli, Red Onion, and Yellow Peppers)

Side suggestions and other things that we like:

Honey Applesauce
Mango Salsa
Pineapple, cranberry flavors
Garlic
Comfort food
Caribbean Flavors
Tortellini with Pesto Cream Sauce
-sorbet palette cleanser



We want our wedding cake to be our only desert but we are interested in having coffee and tea.
 
For a seated dinner my soror Tawanna suggested the following:

Comfort food... especially in an "enchanted forest"... makes for some great creativity:

I would suggest the following for a Fall/Winter Menu:
Appetizers:
Fried Macaroni and Cheese Bites... roasted grape tomato
Lamb Skewers.. rosemary-mustard pesto
Turkey Sage Sausage in Puff Pastry... cranberry-orange relish

Entrees:
(Airline) Roasted Chicken Breast
w Thyme Infused Pan Gravy, Smashed Potatoes, Sauteed Green Beans w Walnuts

Spice Rubbed Roasted Pork Loin or Pork Tenderloin
w Pineapple-Avocado Relish, Beans and Rice, Vegetable Slaw (Zucchini, Carrot, Cabbage, Broccoli, Red Onion, and Yellow Peppers)
or w Whipped Sweet Potatoes and Swiss Chard or Kale

Stout Braised Beef or Seared Beef Tenderloin
w Potato Au Gratin; Sauteed Spinach; and Carrot Confit

Soup/Salad
Tomato Basil Soup -or-
Spinach Salad/Tender Greens
Cuban Black Bean Soup with Sour Cream and Chives

Love Potion Favors

We will be giving out a "love potion" as a favor. Some type of yummy alcoholic drink in a corked potion type of bottle with a "drink me" tag on it.. i want to paint the bottle saying "love potion". still in the air about where our initials and wedding date will go but i think it will be cute for the guests.

Found these on save-on-crafts.com for only 45 cents a piece. I ordered 6 of them to do a trial run with

I like the label on this

I like this label idea too and already have the scissors & like the idea of putting a marachino cherry in there

I love the writing on here, maybe i can scratch the letters on?

mysterious! but will people want to drink it?

another cute option but these were more expensive, like 1.99 for one and its 8.5 ounces..that's too many ounces for just a potion. the one at the top is 6.25 ounces.  

This may be nice tied around the neck of the bottle. i bought some for the trial run.  

cute presentation, i like the jewel at the top. maybe i can dress the cork up

Or something simple like this!