So now that I have come out to everyone, gotten engaged and will soon be married, I thought it would be a good time to reflect on my experience. Being gay can be so tiring when you are going through the motions of planning a wedding. There are so many added factors that straight people dont normally go through.
Paying for the wedding.. this fell on us completely. We are okay with it, but it did bother me a tad that the traditions of family pitching in didn't apply here. Most likely because our families dont know how to be and didn't initally consider this to be a real wedding.
We get alot of legal questions from curious bystanders. "Will it be legal?".. "Why didn't you just do it somewhere that is legal?" .. "Will you go to New York". I feel like a broken record.... No it is not legally recognized. Even if we went somewhere else, when we bring our gay asses back to Pennsylvania, it will not be recognized. We are not putting value into that piece of paper that can only be obtained in a few states right now. We value our mutual vows, our bond, our work that we will put into making this relationship last a lifetime, and the hope that our family and friends will be a great support system along the way. After all, when turmoil appears in a straight marriage, that piece of paper only comes up in talks of divorce.
Having to screen vendors, making sure they are gay friendly.. annoying.
We decided to stay inside the box for the most part, afraid to get too creatively crazy in fear that guests will take our union as a joke.
Next lets discuss the RSVPs. I've read about the painful no's that you may get in the mail. Not because someone simply cannot make it, but because you are gay and they refuse to support either for a religious stance or pure homophobia. We have received one painful no, from my grandparents. From what my brother and sister told me ahead of time, I knew they were not coming, but it still hurt to get the rsvp in the mail. My grandmother wrote "I remain undaunted" after checking off the "Decline with Regret" box. On the back of the rsvp she wrote "Will always wish you the best, Grandma". Was this supposed to be the cushion for the blow? They are old, stuck in their ways, my lifestyle doesn't fit into the workings of their mind. I get that... I love my grandparents unconditionally. I guess my pain stems from thinking this was a mutual thing.
At work, of course can't leave that out. Word gets around that I have a special day coming up. Some folks want to plan a shower at my job for me, how nice! However, once everyone finds out that not only i am getting married, I am marrying a woman.. I was surprised that majority were still interested in celebrating for me.. except one person. Not only was she not interested in celebrating, she was worried that everyone would judge her because she was not out there celebrating at this hypothetical shower. I can't...
As the day gets closer, I get sadder about my mother not going to be able to be there. It is still unreal for me but the small part that seems real, hurts ... alot.
Not to mention that all of the above are piled atop the REGULAR stress of planning a wedding. Going over budget, trying to drop weight, rude comments from uninvited folks, finding a venue, problems with your selected venue, ummm..going over budget, selecting a cake, dj, florist... switching florists... selecting a photographer, makeup artist, dress, shoes, accessories, etc.. deciding on a honeymoon location (which we haven't).. dealing with the wedding party - the cooperative and the uncooperative-, gifts for ppl, music, decor, and a hundred other things that I care not to mention right now.
Being gay all the way is stressful...
