Having a difficult time. Its still an unreal thing to me. I miss my mother and think about her ALOT. Wondering how she felt in her last moments. Wondering how her spirit feels today? Does she watch over me all of the time?
It is hard to move forward. I have little desire to do anything these days, yet I keep pushing.
I get anxious feelings at random moments. And depressed. I miss her. It doesn't seem fair that she is gone so early.
I can talk about it but it still doesn't seem like a real thing.
There are times that I feel very alone. Rolanda is there, but sometimes she makes me feel alone too. Especially if we have a disagreement. Life just doesn't seem as exciting without my mother. I dont have many things to look forward to like before. Yes I am engaged and have a wedding to plan. But I do not look forward to pulling Rolanda's teeth to plan it. I dont feel like alot of things. I know I do not make enough money at my job, but I do not know if I have the energy to put into a new position. My community work, I do not know if I can keep up the energy for it.
I am just at a standstill.
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