Some Progress~

So I am sitting here with Letisha, my maid of honor! We were looking at bridesmaids dresses and color options.

Colors: Smoky Gray & Bamboo Green

I'd like the bridesmaids' dresses to be knee/tea length.. bamboo green .. fitted and rather plain but with  an opening in the front toward the side.. with perhaps chiffon material flowing out.. easier to draw than to explain lol.

The challenge is finding a dress design that would work well with all of my bm's shapes.

Rolanda and I have decided to have the wedding at Elkins Estate on Saturday August 27th. I will sign and send in the contract with a deposit to hold the date this week.. After this, I will book Nasilele, the photographer. So excited!

Remembering Mom on my Wedding Day

I want a special way to do this on my day.. I will compile some ideas:

Dear Lord please clear a spot for her

She should have the perfect view.
Her daughter is a Bride today,
and I am counting on you.
Let me feel her presence;
as I journey down the aisle.
But let me notice her absence;
if only for a while.
Let me stop to think of her;
As I am given away.
And know that if she could;
She would be here with me today.

Dear Lord please clear a spot for her;
She should have the perfect view.
And if she should get sad today;
Dear Lord I count on you.

I'm not sure if I fully like this poem/prayer..

Here are some other ideas:
we have a "we remember" page in our program and will put family photographs on a cocktail table with candles.

Or a chair decorated in my mother's honor

A Better Day

there is a light at the end of the tunnel~
we were in a wedding planning war for a while. my fiance wanted a very low budget wedding with luxurious details.. i was having trouble accommodating that, being the primary planner.


it was stressful. we were like a deadlocked jury! we took a vacation to mexico for the past five days for her birthday. the trip worked wonders for our wedding planning war. a white flag was thrown on both sides.. from the looks of it. there will be a 2011 wedding :-) (for a second i was proposing that we push it to 2012 to save for a longer time). We will have it at the estate and opt for a cocktail reception to save on costs. heavy appetizers instead of a sit-down dinner.

I plan to sign the contract between today and tomorrow, just want to get an idea of how much the catering will cost.
 
I am so relieved :) Plus I got the place that I originally wanted. I hope it works out to be a beautiful evening!!
 
Our date would be August 27th.

Struggling to Decide..

As of now we are still struggling to decide on our wedding location. I really really like Elkins Estate, however it will come out to be quite expensive, mainly because they charge just to rent the location. They have four exclusive caters that we would choose from and I am currently collecting their pricing now.

The other option that we are considering is a hotel with an elegant ballroom. We have looked at a couple so far.. one was not fancy enough. The other was wonderful but had a high minimum food and drink for Saturday night of $35k which is way more than Elkins at the end of the day.

Deborah mentioned the Taj Mahal in Atlantic City has a deal for $125 per guest... I like the idea in theory but dont exactly want to get married in Atlantic City. It makes me think of Vegas and we've said in the past that we wouldn't want to do that. But I like the idea of it coming out cheaper and it probably has the elegant ballroom.

Deborah and I are going to see a couple more downtown hotels and then Elkins Estate next Tuesday... so I will stretch my final decision making date to next Tuesday. Elkins has sent us a contract already... I will keep in touch with the representative (Lindsay) and let her know we are definitely still interested.

I am to the point with Rolanda that I dont feel like discussing any wedding plans anymore. Its just difficult to do that when we are supposed to be saving together in a joint account, which she does not deposit her half on time. I get frustrated with her because I shouldn't have to pull her teeth to do simple things. We also cannot decide on a budget together. I've asked her at least 10 times now (no exaggeration) how much is she able to save per month toward the wedding, and have not gotten a straight answer YET :-( This causes concern for me. Lately it feels like I'm dragging her through the wedding planning. I dont want to have to do that.. I'd prefer participation at least with depositing the money so that we can pay for things in a uniform, less complicated form. I am currently depositing 250 per check towards the wedding and feel we should look at our own personal budgets to see if we can deposit more for the next year. She still wont give me an answer.

when Rolanda was pushing me to find a way to pay $550 a month toward my student loans instead of the $300 that I was already struggling to pay.. I did.. so that I could eventually get a lower pay rate anyhow. and it worked.

I've already suggested twice that we get pre-marital counselling. Rolanda agreed to find a person to do it and that was months ago.. So I will take on the task as soon as I get time. When all is said and done, besides her vows is there anything this girl is willing to do?

I am the only one who seems to compromise around here.. but if the other options that we (as in Deborah and I) view on Tuesday do not pan out.. I will be signing the contract with Elkins and proceeding forward :-)

My maid of honor (Tisha) and Deborah have truly helped me keep my sanity throughout all of this bull. It just feels good to talk to someone about the wedding that is genuinely interested and not avoiding the conversation. I'm hoping the rest of the planning is a wee bit more fun!

http://www.welovephotobooths.com/

One Decision Made!

Okay so I'm taking another stab at the wedding planning, instead of throwing in the towel for a while. However I must say this process has been frustrating so far!

I think I've found the perfect photographer for us:

Nasilele Photography
Her packages start at $1150
She has done gay couples of color before, both engagement shoots and weddings
She is based in New York but I did speak to her back in early July and Philadelphia is fine for her.
She is offering a $100 discount off of any wedding collection just for mentioning soyoureengayged.

I like her style :-) I left her a message again.

Another great idea... I think that we should have a video camera rolling during the ceremony and reception, however I was thinking more of a vintage camera (I think they are called super 8). The only thing about those is that I dont think they have sound. Rolanda liked the idea of a vintage film though :-)

HelloSuper8 is a gay-friendly videographer however her prices are too high for us. She does modern films with a vintage camera. Offering 5% discount to the gays.

A local business offering both photography and videography: bgproonline. They have reasonable packages and are based in Philadelphia. Even if we just use them for videography.

breaking point..

I'm posting some insprirational photos that I've been saving. I'll be taking a break from all of this.. its causing alot of stress/strain/craziness for me :-(

Trying to push forward.. Venting..

Ups and downs.. my mood changes all of the time.

I find myself purposely looking for something to look forward to.. hence all of this wedding brainstorming and planning. Desperate to avoid depression. Easily disappointed when things do not go as planned. I'm all over the place sometimes. I miss my mother alot. Every second.

This blog keeps me going many days.

Today, Rolanda pissed me off. She doesn't seem to understand why we should have a sense of urgency in booking a venue for potential wedding dates that are less than a year away. I am always looking for the right time to talk wedding details, and no time seems like a good time with her. On top of that, two of her line sisters are engaged. They will be in our wedding and she is in at least one of theirs. She wants to avoid August all together now because one of their weddings is on august 6th and out of the country. She wants to avoid her other ls's anniversary in October? I feel like I am ducking and dodging everyone else's celebrations...She's very nonchalant about the whole wedding planning ordeal, as if everything will get done regardless..

I suggested that we have the wedding in 2012 instead, she doesn't want that. She doesn't want it to be too cold either, we are running out of options.

I found a place (thanks to Deborah) that Rolanda and I both like so far! Elkins Estate. I am awaiting some info on their pricing. They are already booked for all Saturdays in September though :-(






I'm frustrated today.

DIY Programs

Cute!

I found these on weddingbee.com, cute idea!

Here are the instructions posted:
These pocket programs were 3 1/2 x 3 1/2 when folded. Perfect for sticking into a small purse or a suit jacket pocket! They opened up accordion style and had four panels inside. The stickers on the front were able to be run through an ink jet printer.

For the inside, cut the paper for the inside to be a half inch shorter and narrower than the outside. The inside and outside pieces were rubber cemented together.

Also, she used 12 x 12 white cardstock and used her paper cutter to cut it into 12 x 3 inch strips. She ran the 3" strips through the printer. Then again using my paper cutter, she used a scoring blade and scored the paper every 3 inches. She then used an edge rounder to round the edges on the white cardstock. If you do not have an edge rounder, invest in the Fiskars one, she bought two others (that did not work all that well) before she got the Fiskars one. The green paper was cut into 3 1/2 x 3 1/2 squares and then the edges were rounded as well.


Whew! now that I think about it, this task may be a little too tedious for a ceremony program but I will keep it in mind! I'm noticing that edge rounders are popular in wedding diy projects.

Flowers?-

www.fiftyflowers.com .. we can make our own bouquets.

I also heard of someone going to a floral warehouse or going to a private florist who sells flowers by the bucket. hmm..

I know I only want touches of flowers and more concentration on lighting.

Ice Sculptures

Ice Bar Luges & Logos have reasonable prices for ice sculptures. If you wanted a single block, just a horseshoe, they charged $250. The sculpture would be 20in wide and 40in tall. We could place the wedding cake on this display. If we have the wedding at the Ice Box, we could have a ice bar created for $1,000. They would incorporate the horseshoe and our initials in the design of the bar.

See website for additional pictures.

http://icebarslugesandlogos.com/default.aspx

Contact info:

rob@icebarlugesandlogos.com 267-702-4233 (Name is Rob or Chris)

Send e-mail with ideas for design

Invitation Sites

www.weddingpaperdivas.com **My favorite so far** I love their designs

http://www.123print.com/ has alot of invitation options. I did not look through all of them but maybe they will have something when we get to this.

http://www.vistaprint.com/ also has some options, and they offer a free wedding sample kit.

http://www.minted.com/ has a cute save the date mini book, but I think that would work better for invitations.

Ideas

Audience vow: We will turn to our guests and ask them to stand with us as our friend ask if they will support us in our marriage and help us stay strong when storms come along. He will ask that no one try to pit us against each other or speak ill will of us. Some other things too. I haven't gotten that part written out completely. (I'm on the fence about this one)

Ring Warming Ceremony: our wedding bands will be passed around to the guests and that he asks them to each say a prayer, well wish, or put positive energy into our rings and marriage.

Having Tears of Joy Packets available during the ceremony (maybe)

A really cute bouquet toss. Bride gathers all the single ladies and pretends that she is going to throw it, but instead takes it apart and gave each one of the ladies a flower from it. :) Then for the garter toss they did the normal thing but had a picture taken with all the ladies and their flower around the guy who caught the garter. :)

i think it would be nice to have a video photo booth.
people take pictures and then send us a video message
we could have an interest man the booth
we could get fabric for the booth and borrow some stools from smewhere
and make the props for the pictures ourselves

Suits I like

Here are a group of suits that I prefer. The GroomsWomen's outfits should be similar yet feminine.

DIY - Crepe Paper Flowers

I found these on http://www.thebridescafe.com/ .. These are pretty! I was thinking these could be used wherever possible to cut down on the cost of real flowers. Perhaps for the tables during the coctail hour.

"Crepe Paper Flowers"

Supplies:
Crepe paper sheets
Scissors
White floral cloth wire
White floral tape
Glue
Microbeads



Instructions:

1. Cut a strip of crepe paper about 5-4 inches wide and about 18 inches long. The grain of the crepe paper should be parallel to the longest sides. Fold in half several times until you have a small rectangle about 2 inches wide.

2. Cut the top edge, rounding it out to create a semi-circle shape. Unfold crepe paper strip.

3-4. Refold the crepe paper strip, but not exactly in half. When bringing the short ends together, stop a few inches short of matching them up exactly. Fold a few more times and cut a rounded petal edge on the opposite side as before. This will ensure that the scallops on each side are somewhat staggered. Unfold.

5. Now fold in half length wise. Take one end of crepe paper strip and secure it to the top of floral wire by making a loop with the wire and twisting it around crepe paper.

6. Begin to form flower. Gather the crepe paper as you turn the wire stem, and secure it with floral tape. Once the flower is fully formed, wrap the tape partially down the stem.

7. Using your fingers, adjust flower petals. Crepe paper has a bit of a stretch, so you can gently pull edges of petals to create a more realistic look. In the center of the flower, add a dab of glue and cover with microbeads.

I also thought the feather-light hair flower was cute because of the creative flower made with tulle.

Traditional vs Non Traditional?

I dont want us to feel like we HAVE TO do anything at our wedding. I want our personalities to shine through and for us to feel like our personal touches were on everything that we have on our big day.

Rectangular tented escort cards were lined up around an elaborate flower arrangement of all-white flowers with black branches, hanging crystals, and hanging balls of white flowers. Also on the table: A photo album featuring outtakes from their engagement photo shoot for guests to look through and sign.

I prefer stemless wine glasses..

I think this might be how I will wear my hair (curls) with this netting on my wedding day :)

Myths

I loved these posted on http://www.2000dollarwedding.com/:


The Top Ten Myths of Wedding Planning (from 2000dollarwedding.com)
"Because I'm in wedding planning mode, every wedding I attend becomes fodder and research for my own.

Tonight I accompanied my fiance to the wedding of one of his childhood friends. It was the most sincere, authentic wedding I have ever been to, and yet it didn't follow much of the traditional components that are ingrained in our cultural consciousness as "must-haves" at a wedding.

The Knot would have been exasperated by many of their choices, and yet it was precisely those choices that made it the best wedding I've been to so far. It inspired me to write this list of The Top Ten Myths of Wedding Planning.

The point is: You don't have to follow anybody's rules! Not your parents', The Knot's, or anyone else's! It's your wedding, and it should reflect who you are as a couple.

10. You have to pick a venue based on its physical beauty. Pick it based on how fun it is. Seriously. People will enjoy having a good time more than they will enjoy looking at a stunning vista. Tonight's wedding was at a children's science museum. They rented out the whole place, and we were free to romp around like kids (if only I had worn shorts under my dress!). We played in the bubble room, climbed on the vertical maze, and talked in the whisper phone.

9. You have to wear an uncomfortable dress.
The more comfortable you are, the more beautiful you will look. You need to be able to walk and move and dance around your wedding. The bride at tonight's wedding wore a random sun dress with colored stripes. Was it cute? Yes. Was it spectacular? Not particularly. Did she look spectacular anyway? Absolutely. She was radiant (not because of some mineral make-up). She was deeply content. The dress, hair, and make-up were irrelevant.

8. You have to put fondant on your wedding cake.
Admit it. It's disgusting. It has the texture (and taste) of plastic. And what the cake tastes like is more important than what it looks like. At tonight's wedding they had several real cakes. Real ones. They were absolutely delicious. I was forced to eat two pieces.

7. Someone else's voice has to dominate your ceremony.
It's your wedding. It's about you and your future partner and the coming together of your lives. Why should someone else talk all about it? At tonight's wedding, the bride and groom walked out together. The bride's sister did a brief introduction and then left the bride and groom alone up there. They talked about each other and then to each other. It lasted only about seven minutes, but it was the most sincere and touching ceremony I have ever witnessed. Tears streamed down my cheeks (and that never happens to me at weddings!).

6. You have to hire an obnoxious photographer.
The experience is more important than pictures of the experience (and you'll have plenty of pictures anyway if you just ask your friends and family to share their photos). At receptions, I honestly avoid dancing next to the bride or groom because the photographer is always right there with an interrogation bulb flashing in your face. Argh! At tonight's wedding, in the absence of such a photographer, it occurred to me just how annoying they really are!

5. You have to hire a DJ.
You don't really need one. Either have a live band or hook up an iPod. You just need good, danceable music. Well, if you do hire a DJ, just use him/her to monitor the mood of the crowd and select the most appropriate song. Whatever you do, don't let them speak. They really don't contribute anything to the experience. At tonight's wedding, we just danced to some classic dance tunes coming from an iPod.

4. You have to serve a sit-down dinner.
Sit-down dinners are long, stuffy, and contrived. People have to be assigned to tables. If they aren't interested in the people or the conversation at their table, they have to suffer through it. It's just not necessary. At tonight's wedding, we just served ourselves buffet style. We could eat when we were hungry, we could go back for leftovers, and we could sit next to whomever we wanted.

3. You have to spend an insane amount of money on the alcohol.
Beer and wine are fine. Seriously. People can still get their drink on with those classics. The addition of a signature drink (they did Grandma's Punch) is definitely cool, but you don't need to blow your savings on something that hinders people's ability to remember the event.

2. You have to invite people who aren't close to you.
The more random family friends you invite, the more uncomfortable you're going to feel. Don't feel obligated to invite anyone you don't want to. Invite people you're close to and leave it at that. At tonight's wedding, it was very clear that only the most important people were invited. And the atmosphere felt a lot more intimate and comfortable because of it.

1. You have to obsess about details.
Wedding colors don't really matter. Flowers don't matter all that much. Napkins don't matter. Remember that a wedding is a public declaration and celebration of your mutual love and commitment amidst a community of support. Focus on those things. Write your own vows. Make yourself and everyone else as comfortable as possible so you can really celebrate. And only invite a community of support."

Cute

I love the idea of using these doors.. to decorate an alter.. then flip them to hang place cards.. then use them athome!

links.. sites..

http://www.mintdesignblog.com/

http://www.printablepress.com/

http://www.2000dollarwedding.com/

I particularly like the "dinner, dancing and eternity to follow" portion of the invitation. I dont think our story is as long as theirs so maybe we'll skip this style ?

Goals for this week:

Apply to blog on soyoureengayged.com (DONE)

Decide on an egagement photo photographer and contact them to schedule a session

Find a place that has my top wedding gown choice available as a sample in my size, make an appointment to go try it on :-) If no place is found, make an appointment at L&H to try it on there since they have it. (DONE)

Finish the venue binder, including all pictures and responses with pricing. Decide on which places we want to visit.

Talk to Deborah, wedding planner

Touch bases with bridesmaids about where we will have lunch

Useful Rules for Brides from theknot.com

I won't invite my second cousin's fling.

When you're putting your list together, a spirit of irrationally warm hospitality might take over, making you inclined to invite all of your single guests' guys/girls-of-the-moment. We know you're thinking: "What if they get married one day? I'll feel terrible if my cousin by marriage wasn't at our wedding." But remember, aside from the (big) expense of inviting every single person with a date, you don't want to celebrate the most important event of your life thus far with a bunch of people you'll likely never see again. Trust us, if you invite cousin Bill's arm candy, she'll somehow wind up front and center in half of the photographs, but he'll dump her before you return from your honeymoon, and you won't remember her name in a year. So make a rule about plus ones (maybe it's "only couples who've been dating for more than a year" or "only members of the wedding party get to invite random dates") and stick to it.

I won't obsess over my wedding registry.
Once you delve into the world of fine stemware, charger plates, and exotic kitchen gadgets, it's only natural that you'll want to get even more immersed in it -- and start second- and third-guessing every registry decision. And online options make it all too easy to review and revise what you've asked for at every whim. So give yourself a deadline after which you're not allowed to tinker with your registry -- say, six months before the wedding -- so you can stop fixating on "bone china vs. Limoges?" and start obsessing over seating charts instead!

I'll loosen up about the wedding rehearsal dinner.
As a bride, it's pretty much your inalienable right to micromanage every aspect of the wedding if you choose to. The rehearsal dinner, not so much. If you're lucky enough to have the night-before celebration thrown for you by the groom's family or somebody similar, everything will go most smoothly if you offer your input only when asked and on a few issues that are super-important to you. If your future mother-in-law sends out invitations you find unbearably tacky or fills the centerpieces with your least favorite flower, keep in mind that everybody in attendance will understand that the rehearsal isn't reflective of your style.

I'll write thank-you notes as the wedding gifts come in.
Yes, you're busy, but you can always carve out 10 minutes from your schedule to write a thank-you note. So place your stationery box and a big sheet of stamps in the center of your desk and sit down to express your gratitude within 48 hours of a gift coming in. If you wait, your note-writing list will quickly grow to a frightening length, and it'll become that much more intimidating to tackle it. And if you let too much time pass before writing your notes, the gift-giver might wonder if you received the present.

I won't stress out about her bachelorrette party.
Do not, we repeat, do not sit at home watching the clock and wondering what she's doing. Make plans of your own, get out of the house, and go have a good time! She wouldn't be marrying you if she didn't vastly prefer being by your side instead of being surrounded by 10 intoxicated buddies and expensive entertainment named Bambi. 'Nuff said.

I won't have unrealistic weight expectations.
Choose a dress you look gorgeous in at your regular weight. Sure, you're likely to shed a couple of pounds in the weeks before the wedding due to a packed schedule and jitters, but consider that as a bonus. Don't strive to lose any more than that at the last minute. Crash dieting will make you exhausted and bitchy, and no number on the scale will compensate if you're too weak to handle the demands and savor the excitement of your wedding celebrations.

I'll make my photo album within one year of the wedding.

When you come back from your honeymoon, putting together your wedding album may seem like a daunting task. There will be so many beautiful and funny photos to choose from, and after months of daily wedding-related decisions, you may decide to take a break and do the album later. Not to mention the fact that a nice album doesn't come cheap, so it'll be tempting to wait until your funds have been replenished before shelling out for it. But as many of your married friends who had similar plans will tell you, the years slip by quickly, and it's all too easy to wind up with nothing but a proof book and some Snapfish albums on your fifth anniversary. So bite the bullet and order your album while the memories are fresh and you still have a little wedding planning momentum driving you forward.

Cute Photo Book



Coctail Napkins with details about the couple. I thought this was cute :-)

www.appetizerstogo.com

Same-Sex Brides Featured in Essence

The ladies squeeze each others’ hands tightly as the say their vows.



During their ceremony, Danielle and Aisha had their guests surround them in a circle of love.“It was important that it was a representation of our love and really brought our guests into that love,” Aisha.
This is a nice idea :-)


Here is the link to more of their photos:

http://photos.essence.com/galleries/bridal_bliss_aisha_and_danielle#519011

ceremony

I LOVE how inclusive this is!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Starting to plan again..

So I was talking to Deborah this weekend about the wedding. As my wedding planner she gave me my first assignment :) This week I will find 5 possible location and get their pricing. Narrow it down to two after seeing the five and she will go with me to see the two. This has helped me with getting back into the wedding planning phase.

She also told me to give her the login information to our theknot.com account. I love that she knows what to do and that she has offered her planning services to us as her gift to us :-) So glad Deborah is here to help.

I also want to start trying on more wedding gowns. I went to David's Bridal to try on gowns the other week and out of 6, there was only ONE that i remotely liked. .. gotta get into this!

I might plan a day in nyc, on a weekend in either November or December to try on gowns at a few salons and invite my bridesmaids. They all will get to meet each other, I will have some time to drop some weight and fit into these sample sizes and we can all have lunch together as well. :-)

Today I will get crackin on that location list.

Oh and Rolanda and I went to check out a yacht this weekend as a possible reception location.. it was NOT up to par... so we have scratched the yacht idea. I dont like the idea of having 3 possible floors for the guests to be on. ... I did find some alternate possibilities and will post them soon.

More Resources

Officiant listed on soyoureengayged.com:

Rev. Laura Cannon
http://www.divinetransformation.com/

If we are interested in getting legall married in DC she offers to file the paperwork for us.

http://powelleventphoto.com (located in new jersey) offers a 5% discount for mentioning soyoureengayged

Nasilele Photography is offering $100 off just for mentioning soyoureengayged.com

BG Portraits
listed as a gay-friendly wedding vendor on soyoureengayged.com's website.

http://www.business-services.upenn.edu/arboretum/rentals_weddings.shtml

www.reverendphilip.com

www.marriagedc.com
female gay-friendly wedding officiant

Still Engayged

It has been very hard to move forward and get in the wedding planning mood. I have been suffering from some anxiety and have so much to do. At the same time I dont feel like doing much of anything at all. Sometimes I'd like something to look forward to.. other times I hate the idea of moving forward. Life seems so difficult.

I want to marry Rolanda and she is definitely something I have to look forward to.. a life with her. I fear one day God will take her away from me, sooner than I expect. Very paranoid these days.

In effort to get into the spirit of wedding planning, today I went on a site that has become one of my favorites..

I REALLY like www.soyoureengayged.com. The blogs are nice.

Delaware — Marisa Taylor Photography is offering 20% off any package for all winter weddings (December 1, 2010-March 31, 2011) and 10% off any wedding package for 2011 after March 31, 2011, just for mentioning So You’re EnGAYged!

Her highest package is $1300. I will check her out.

New Jersey — Because of her support and belief that there should be beautiful gay weddings in every state of the union, if you mention you saw Marie Labbancz Photography on So You’re EnGAYged, she’ll pick up the transportation cost for travel to your wedding in any state of the union

I've only looked at a few of her photos and LOVE THEM. I like her style.

I like how this couple named their tables after each location where gay marriage is legal.

This couple had a travel themeed destination wedding. Love the invites: